the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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