okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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