I think scott just propositioned me for sex
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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