update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
