they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
