We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
