fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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