good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
