dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
