so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
