Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
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bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...