Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha