I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.