what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up