We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING