nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
