Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
