Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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