There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
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It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
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diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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