Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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