Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
