uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
