Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I could have mohawked her pubes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I AM VODKA MAN
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
