we have officially mastered the walk of shame
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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