She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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