I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
