wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My vagina is officially offended.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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