do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
