Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
