Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
