I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
