so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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