youre lurking in front of me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
