You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize