i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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