Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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