ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
