the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
