drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
