From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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