just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
