I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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