i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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