my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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