Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He did a backflip because drugs
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