i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
