All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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