Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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