I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
