What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
