Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
