i just made my gag reflex go away.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
