its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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