Yo dont text me then not text me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
