sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
