Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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