Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
