In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
