I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
