Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
