i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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