i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
