Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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