I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
