I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
