Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
