K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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