Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
