Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I CAN MOONWALK!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
