pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
