Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
