I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
