He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
