my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's just like the Real World with babies
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize