saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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